Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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