i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
