I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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