i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
honey bunches of taint.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
