I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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