dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
