i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
