I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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