Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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