Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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