I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
