it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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