Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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