i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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