Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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