Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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