We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
