I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
