I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
