Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
