Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
