I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So here I am, sexting at work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
