Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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