Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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