we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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