Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
