drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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