just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
