I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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