No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
