This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
