is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
