I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
