I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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