3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
