We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
