have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
