i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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