I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
