in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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