So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
