and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
