the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
