6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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