bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I did not marry a roomba.
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