i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
