Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
