dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You made out with two different species that night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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