i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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