Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is Oprah even human
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
