She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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